Breaking the Cycle At Home, At School, At Work and in the Community - An opportunity for Positive Change

The Trauma Informed movement is well underway. Most people have heard of “Trauma” and “ACES”(Adverse Childhood Experiences) but still need more personal application of the subtle ways it impacts our relationships and ripples out into the community. What are you doing for you to break the Trauma Cycle?

Having worked in Early Education and Elementary Education for all of my career (30+years), I look back at what I know now and didn’t know then. I see a different world and a different opportunity for change. I used the think I could help kids communicate, and now I realize that it’s not the kids that need help, it’s the systems and adults in their lives.

In the past few years I have been thinking about the system of Education and Childcare as a Family system. The education/childcare system consists of children and adults. Aside from the pediatrician’s office I can’t think of any other systems where children are enmeshed and dependent on adults.

My “aha moment” was when I was in a meeting for Special Educators and the Special Education Director began complaining about the “General Education side of the school” and I immediately thought of a dysfunctional household where both parents are not working together to support the development of their children. This is a duality that exists in the structure of our Public Schools.

When we peel the layers or build the layers we can see how the concept of family plays out. We all started as children, vulnerable children in families with “parents” and “caregivers”. Our public and private schools were created by adults for children.

In the same vein the children in our schools and childcare systems rely on Teachers who rely on the Administrators to lead and model teaching and education principals and practices. The Administrators are like grandparents who have mostly been teachers and have that as their past experience, and are learning to be leaders by their experiences and any empowerment opportunities that arise. These are all relationships we have learned from our families.

The Administrators, (principals and superintendents and curriculum coordinators, etc) are directed (not necessarily “lead by”) by the Department of Education on the State and Federal level. They are the Great Grandparents. They have the most power and experience. Many of those roles have been passed down from generation to generation and/or are the people who have been teachers, principals, superintendents or are retirees of education. Who are the people at the DOE in your state? It will be an interesting study. It is important to know more about the people and not just what their title is. Everyone has a unique story.

Leadership implies relationship!

The governance structure connecting the System of Public Education and the Communities where schools are located, is the School Board. The School Board of Directors is made up of a variety of Community Members who are voted in by the Community. There is also a School Board of Directors at the State and Federal Level. They connect with the DOE for direction and process to support the schools in being fiscally responsible and they connect with the community because they are the community, and volunteer their time for these efforts. Some are parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents of children in their community school. They also have a need for being trauma informed and self aware.

Regardless of where people have worked, they bring their lived experiences and their relationship patterns to their roles and positions. Those patterns are either subconscious or somewhat conscious as the individuals may or may not be self aware. When we surround ourselves with people who are “leading us” or “modeling for us” or “directing us” we want those relationships to be healthy.

Being Trauma Informed, means that we understand our past and how it influences our relationships and social and emotional well-being and therefore our relationships. So, if those individuals who have been practicing 20-30-40 years, have not been aware of their trauma, early adversity or early attachment challenges, they may be bringing the unhealthy relationships into the system each day. The children are also coming from homes where parents have experienced Trauma, early adversity and early attachment challenges and are relating in unhealthy ways. We have unhealed trauma meeting new trauma, collective trauma and toxic stress.

Outside of the immediate Education System are the Communities where the children live. The children live within families who have a similar hierarchy of relationship, parents/grandparents, great grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc. All of them with their own lived experiences, trauma and self awareness. We also have children who live in Foster Care and who are being raised by Grandparents.

The intersection of The Public Education System and The Public Community is interesting to say the least. Some people live and work in the education system. Parents are teachers, principals and superintendents. Some principals, superintendents and DOE Employees are not parents, however they are a member of a community, sometimes a member of the community where they work. I worked and lived in the same community as my school. Did/do you? Where do you live and work? What is your relationship to your community and your public school system?

In my experience there have been a significant number of parents who work in local schools in different capacities from Principals, to Assistants/Para-educators, Custodians, and Bus drivers. and Food Service Providers. The School Board members are clearly Community Members as well. When it comes to Trauma and Self Awareness their decision making clearly has an impact on the day to day operations of a school. The School Board is part of the hiring process for each school. They set and review policies and procedures of how the schools operate on a daily basis.

Decisions, so many decisions, are made daily in our public schools. They are made about so many different things. They are made before, during and after school hours. They are made by all of the players. The children are impacted by all of those decisions. How are we deciding if a teacher has good self awareness? How self aware are our school board members and leaders?

The family dynamic of our Administration (Local, State and Federal) Teachers, Childcare Providers and Educational Community has an impact on how Trauma plays out in our public schools, workplaces and communities. Early Adversity happens in personal relationships and mostly (if not 99% of it) happens within Family Relationships. So, depending on an individual’s experience with early attachment and how the how they have pursued an understanding and shaping of their own developmental journey from differing points of self awareness, we have many dysfunctional relationships playing out in our day to day interactions within and around schools. The result is what we are seeing in school shootings and suicide, mental health challenges and physical illness.

The Children are the receivers of these experiences. They are looking to all of the adults to model how to relate in and with the world. They take it all in. They mirror our words and actions and our beliefs. Are we aware of that? They are children, they are vulnerable, they are impressionable, they are growing and developing. And so are we. However, our development can be arrested by trauma at earlier ages. Our chronological age and our emotional age are not always congruent.

As I am writing this I am realizing how passionate I was about “playing school” and “being the teacher” as a young child. My teacher was my strongest model.

Here is a recent example of what is going on in a school where I worked.

So, take a child like Joe. He was 7 years old when I met him. He was in second grade. He lived at home with his Mom, Dad and Grandparents. His Mom spoke both English and Spanish, his Dad spoke only Spanish. He also lived with his uncles intermittently. His mom worked more than 10 hours per day and his Dad traveled away for work. His grandparents also worked. His Mom grew up in New Mexico, his Dad grew up in Mexico. He had a little sister who was 2 years younger. This child lived in the “community” and attended school in his community from the age of 5. He had some challenges with his behavior and adapting to the setting as an English Language Learner. He had stressors at home as his uncle who came to live with them was dealing drugs and he witnessed a raid on his home by the FBI one day. He saw the police knock open the door and hold his parents at gun point. He came down the stairs and he was separated from his parents. This incident lived in his body and his mind. His parents did not discuss it, or did his teachers. It was overlooked as a factor in his learning challenges.

So this child came to school from his stressful home life each day. His stress lived in his body and was not released until he was in 2nd grade when his Mom shared with his team this event as well as all the other stressors that were impacting his challenges with engaging in the school activities throughout the days. This question had to be raised several times before Mom felt comfortable sharing this experience.

When we peeled back the layers, his life of 7 years was one of extreme toxic stress. When we looked at his classroom, it was filled with children with similar challenges, and a teacher with her own challenges who had to leave school to have surgery for a pinched nerve in her neck, which was stress induced.

When we looked at his sister’s class we observed the same thing. Her teacher was working very hard to keep all of the children safe and there was little if any discussion of emotions or feelings in the classroom. It was felt that she was “fine”, she was so young at the time. She won’t remember it. Well guess what… these traumatic events impact not only a child’s ability to attend, but their short term memory for learning and their ability to discern what is safe and what isn’t safe.

This child was behaving and learning as a 5 year old which is when he experienced this significant traumatic event.

Because of our innate resilience we are all here reading this blog post. Resilience is built by healthy positive relationships. When considering the healthy and positive nature of relationships between children and adults, we depend on the adults. When our schools and work environments are not Trauma Informed, they have an “unhealthy” and possibly “distorted” understanding of how they are providing children with resilient environments. There can also be unhealthy relationships between the adults as mentioned above. All relationships are bearing out in our society. Just because an adult “cares” about a child, doesn’t mean that they are providing a positive healthy relationship experience for them. I have witnessed and experienced many inappropriate and unhealthy relationships between and among teachers, para educators and children over the years. I have observed them with parents as well. This is the parallel impact that bears out in schools

The leadership needs to have a sense of connection and collaboration, and be “on the same page” just as parents do.

Who are our teachers and para-educators? What have their experiences been with positive and healthy relationships? How about our principals? How about our superintendents and are DOE professionals? Our school boards? Who lives in our communities?

How do we find out? How do we support all of the adults in our society in discerning what healthy relationships are?

When I began working in a school in 1992 I was required to complete a Meyers Briggs Personality Assessment so I could learn and share more about my strengths and challenges (A level of Self Awareness was encouraged). I learned a lot and still remember that process.

We are all on a journey and we have opportunities to learn about ourselves assess how we are doing in relationships with our selves, with and within the work we do each day.

How is your relationship with your job?

How is your relationship with your profession?

How is your relationship with your parents?

How is your relationship with your children?

How is your relationship with your neighbor?

How is your relationship with food?

How is your relationship with alcohol?

How is your relationship with money/finances?

How is your relationship with health?

How is your relationship with you?

However adults are showing up is how children are learning to be in their relationships with others.

How we give and receive from others is how we relate. The ability to share our emotions and feelings in a healthy way is one of the key elements in a healthy relationship — in all the areas listed above. We need the language and safe experiences to do that.

We want to build healthy systems in schools, healthcare and corporations and we must begin with each individual. We can break the cycle in that way. We can’t make people change or develop their self awareness but we can create positive opportunities and build them into our systems like they did at my job in 1992. Do we need to do a Meyers Briggs Personality Assessment? No. But we can ask questions and encourage and model personal development within our organizations as part of the on-boarding process. We can treat people as whole people by asking about their life experiences and what their journey has been, and without judgement, use that information to support them and the work they need to do wherever they are.

Let’s break the cycle everyday.

Trauma informed Coaching is one of the best opportunities to do this. Providing access and time for people to attend Therapy Sessions is another. Group and individual healing retreats are another. This journey of self awareness and breaking the cycle of trauma and adversity is ongoing and begins again and again in each environment in each new day. We as a society must value personal development and healing.

Once we enter this journey we will witness the impact on our children, the positive relationships will ripple out within our families and into our communities and our future one child at a time. I say “we” because I am on this journey and I have first hand experience. Just imagine, a community filled with adults who are Trauma Informed, Parents who are on a Trauma Informed Journey, in a Community Learning Center which is supported by Trauma Informed Professionals both at the Community, State and Federal levels. One person, one family, one organization one community at a time.

Each person has a right and a responsibility to Break the Cycle. It’s not up to our children. It’s each Adult’s inside job and therefore a Community experience.

What are you doing for you to break the Trauma Cycle?