From Feeling Forced to Choosing a Loving Response.

Lately, I have heard the word “forced” come up in conversations.  Sometimes in the context of forcing by the self such as  “I forced myself to (go outside, eat a certain food)….”.  Or sometimes I personally say “I have to…”.

I like to listen to language and challenge meaning when I hear words that make me feel challenged!   So are you feeling challenged?  Are you feeling “forced”?  Do you feel like you have a choice?

Our communities and companies are being “closed” and “open”, people are using words  ‘locked down”  “quarantined”  “social isolation”  … what do we really mean?

I went to the grocery store this past weekend, I wore a mask..and I felt claustrophobic,  I wanted to say the “mask made me feel” claustrophobic.  However, the mask cannot make me feel!  So why did I feel claustrophobic … because the air flow was being reduced and I am sensitive.  I prefer an open flow of oxygen… don’t you?  That feeling was a reminder for me that I was not comfortable in the situation… not wanting to be wearing a mask in public. I wonder how others were feeling? I really couldn’t see their faces so I didn’t have access to the non-verbal clues.    I made the choice to do it because I was asked to … by the community at large.  

While walking through the grocery store where everyone was walking in a flow, following arrows, I was also feeling a sense of calm that I don’t always feel in a crowded larger grocery store. While waiting outside to get in was a new experience, the line moved quickly and the shopping was more purposeful for me.  There was even a person at the door who greeted me.  That felt great! 

My take away was that the slowing down was healing.  That I was more aware and patient and grateful for being able to access food.  What would it be like with the same conditions without a mask on?  

I also noticed that some people were not wearing masks… was it a choice?… Perhaps they couldn’t get one?  Perhaps they forgot it at home?  Perhaps they just didn’t choose to wear one?  I have more compassion for those who are uncomfortable wearing a mask.  They too may feel smothered and claustrophobic.  

What is the fear behind making a choice to wear a mask or not… 

Is it a fear of being able to breathe? 

Is it a fear of get sick and dying?

We all ultimately make a choice.  Our awareness is being heightened and our need to make conscious choices is also being challenged. Those choices that we remember are the ones that are challenging and the ones that make a difference in our lives.  Sometimes we don’t know the difference.  The choice to leave a marriage is different than the choice of which type of cheese to buy at the grocery store.

Our deep unhealed fears are still with us and may come up more easily during this challenging time.  It’s time to make choices from a calm and conscious place.  We are not accessing our thinking brain when we are in a place of fear fear.  No one can “force” us to do anything as adults…unless they are abusing us.  When we come into the world and respond from a place of feeling “forced” we may have been a victim at some point in our development.  When we come into the world and respond from a place of “choice” we are coming empowered. We can’t make choices for others…just for ourselves and our children.  

When we heal we take back our power and we recognize what is a childhood fear versus real need for survival.  And then we can make a choice for the better, for connection, for self care, for joy.

For the wellbeing of ourselves, our community and our society.   Let’s take this time to step out of fear and into love.